Every human being responds to praise. When we are at our job and someone tells us, "That is nice work," we glow a bit and work even harder on our next task. Psychologists call this positive reinforcement. Generally, however, we don't concern ourselves with the psychology. Rather, we simply remember how nice it is to hear someone say, "That is a job well done."
Unfortunately, many of us do not remember this simple fact in our relationship with children. As parents, we probably criticize our children more often than we praise them, and wonder why they do not respond as we think they should. Naturally, we are not able to praise everything they do, but at those times when they deserve praise, they should receive it.
Often, a child who brings home a report card with average or better marks is told, "That is pretty good," or You could do better." Both statements indicate a very qualified kind of praise and the child is quick to recognize it. There is a more effective approach. Parents who want their children to imporve should comment in a more positive way. Statements like, "I like the way you have worked in math; you really have improved your grade, " and "It pleases me very much that your grade has gone up in reading." are much more effective. These last two remarks will almost guarantee that the child will do his or her very best during the next few days.
To build feelings of confidence in children, we must find positive ways to praise them when they accomplish tasks in a socially acceptable manner. "I like the way you are working" is much more positive than, "Well, it is better than the last time."
As they grow toward adulthood, children must learn those human characteristics that garner approval in our society. Certainly, one of those desirable characteristics is to accomplish our tasks in a complete and personally satisfying manner. A child is able to grasp this knowledge more easily when given reinforcement in the form of praise.
The next time your child does something a little better than usual, praise him or her. For example, if he or she was courteous to a sales clerk say, "I appreciate the way you said 'thank you.' It's a pleasure to have you as a member of the family." Regardless of the age level, praise of this kind gives the child a feeling of self-worth, which is a necessary ingredient of achievement. If the youngster is a teenager, he or she may feign embarrassment when given praise. But when any child receives praise, you can be sure it makes him or her feel good. The resulting good feelings can go a long way in motivating him or her to live up to his or her potential.
